well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
