At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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