you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
