Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
