Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
