My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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