i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know her cup size but not her name....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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