this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
