Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
