How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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