Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
