if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
