who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
