these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
