Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
