why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
