ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
