New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
