Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
