The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
