I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
