i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
