She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
