This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
