Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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