matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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