Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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