I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
