If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
