I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
