Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
