I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
