Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so let's talk penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
