I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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