How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
