What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
