Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
