Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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