My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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