I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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