i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
