So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
