the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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