So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
