Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
