Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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