he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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