I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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