so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
