when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't notice because vodka
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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