erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
